"I am a sensitive artist. Nobody understands me because I am so deep. In my work, I make allusions to books that nobody else has read, music that nobody else has heard, and art that nobody else has seen. I can't help it because I am so much more intelligent and well-rounded than everyone who surrounds me."

Lead singer of King Missile, John S. Hall has pricked our ears over the radio with the antipatriarchical rant narratives "Detachable Penis," "Take Stuff from Work," and "Jesus Was Way Cool." As an original standard-maker of spoken work, John S. Hall helped create a vibrant alternative to the mumblings of corporate alternative rock.

Jesus Was Way Cool

Jesus was way cool. Everybody liked Jesus.
Everybody wanted to hang out with him.
Anything he wanted to do, he did.
He turned water into wine, and if he had wanted to,
He could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine,
or vitamin pills into amphetamines.
He walked on the water and swam on the land.
He would tell these stories and people would listen.
He was really cool.
If you were blind, or lame, you just went to Jesus and he would put his
hands on you and you would be healed.
That's so cool.

He could have played guitar better than Hendrix.
He could have told the future.
He could have baked the most delicious cake in the world.
He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky.
He could have danced better than Baryshnikov.
Jesus would have been funnier than any comedian you can think of.

Jesus told people to eat his body and drink his blood.
That's so cool. Jesus was so cool.
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was, so they killed him.

But then he rose from the dead! He rose from the dead, did a little dance, and went up to heaven. I mean, that's so cool. No wonder there are so many Christians.

---

Take Stuff From Work

Take stuff from work. It's the best way to feel better about your job. Never buy pens or pencils or paper. Take 'em from work. Rubber bands, paper clips, memo pads, folders - take 'em from work. It's the best way to feel better about your low pay and appalling working conditions.

Take an ashtray--they got plenty. Take coat hangers. Take a--take a trash can. Why buy a file cabinet? Why buy a phone? Why buy a personal computer or word processor? Take 'em from work.

I took a whole desk from the last place I worked. They never noticed and it looks great in my apartment. Take an electric pencil sharpener. Take a case of white-out; you might need it one day. It's your duty as an oppressed worker to steal from you exploiters. Take stuff from work. And fuck off on the company time. I wrote this at work. They're paying me to write about stuff I steal from them. Life is good.